Our train set

One of the biggest dreams a child has as they start to get older is to have a train layout of his or her very own with a proper electric controller, a good length of track and some scenery which the boy pictured has in the form of a picture to the side of his layout.

They will slowly acquire a selection of locomotives and rolling stock which he has a place to store them when not in use and maybe might build some kits of buildings plus make trees to go on their layout.

Mine was in the loft.  

Although I was raised as a boy, their was no reason as a gurl not to have one as girls do have trainsets today and as a sissy I just love steam trains and engines as much as boys and girls.

Sometimes two interests combine into one topic and that is very much what we have here as Andy and I were keen Stamp Collectors who like the thematic issues issued by Royal Mail at the time.

I also love trains and the big news in 1975 was the Advanced Passenger Train which promised to reduce journey times

Naturally every new train had boys and men wanting models to run on our model railways so manufacturers produced scaled replicas for us.

Sadly that service introduced locally being a major rail hub and a centre at the time for producing engines met more than its fair share of teething problems and was cancelled by the mid 1980's.

Tammy is a gurl who loves hur trains.

Music and me

Music was and still is a first love of mine from the days I performed at school, recorded other peoples music sessions for the music teacher or sat in awe of the Church organist.

I listened to the radio a lot as a poorly boy where I might catch oldies pop shows,  "This weeks Composer"  or "Lunchtime Concert" on Radio three if not taking in an evening classical concert.

I also had a record and tape collection from an early age from pops recorded from the radio for me featuring "Bubblegum classics" like Sugar Sugar by the Archies, records either I bought or had bought for me such as those by T rex, The Bay City Rollers and The Beatles or classical albums donated by relatives to which I added over the years.

That's one reason from time to time I have a few music reviews on here because they are connected with past times and a past interest that goes into my future.

The Youngest Girl in the Fifth

Seeing Christmas  and New year is out of the way, here's the latest installment of a series of short bits on the stories I read at boarding school and this edition dates to 1970 and isn't in quiet so good a condition as the others apart from having the price in the old UK money that was changed February 1971.

I still have floating around my conversion device for old and new currencies I had as a young child.

The story is is set at an all girls boarding school where fourteen and a bit Gwen Gascoyne, is moved in the middle of the term from the Upper Fourth to the Fifth Form as her Principal, Miss Roscoe feels the work in the Upper Fourth is too easy despite her years.

In the World of the school girls she is seen as stand-offish, treated very much as an outcast by all except Netta whose malicious scheming nature leads Gwen into trouble and deceit.
All of this isn't helped by a spell of bad luck either!

Gwen comes into her own during an accident during an accident in her forms geology expedition and from then on begins to earn the respect of her classmates.

I always found Geology interesting as a child.

The Care Bears and me

One of the favourite tv shows from the mid 1980's for me was the Care Bears which had a lot tie in merchandise.

I am a sissy gurl who cares about things that happen to others be they close friends or communities miles from here, feeling their sadness, anger and pain and truly doesn't want to cause that to happen although I am also sometimes naughty too.

I'd would do almost anything to help my friends if I could  deal with their emotions and needs being prepared to share whatever I have at the time and I have.

Introduction:

First of all I’d like to say I’m J C R and for reason that will become apparent, I’m not terrible good at writing introductions but it would be better for all of us if I tried so please bear with me.

The first thing to say is I have a mixture of physical, learning and developmental disabilities of which the latter two is the more important when it comes to being on this site and why it is that being ‘younger’  isn’t just either a presentational choice nor in so far as being like that I have a switch I can throw where I’m totally back to adult.

The short and painful fact of the matter is a mixture of at birth learning and developmental disabilities  plus brain damage from a childhood accident mean mentally I struggle beyond around about 10 to 12 years of age when it comes to dealing with situations, understanding written and spoken instructions, communicating ideas with both extremely poor short term memory (cover the screen and I can’t tell you what I typed), difficulty in concentration and so on.

You could call that “Age Regression” but I’m only out of being more a child by degrees and have attention and supervision needs in real life. It certainly isn’t Age Play.

If that wasn’t enough, I have cerebral palsy, dyspraxia and following an industrial injury, have major issues with holding things like pens, cooking (at times needing help with eating) and can’t type for long or play  using games.

As people who see me a lot in real life would say “I have to treat you more as child” so mentally I’m more a child in a adult body so please don’t assume fully adult comprehension.

The history of gender and its connection to biological sex is a painful one for me not just in terms of encounters which I’m sure we’d all have some understanding of  but also with gender politics, label identity wars and being pushed along ‘to help’ but finding it anything but.

Like many of us I knew, even with my limitations how I saw me was different to how others saw me and this was connected to being called a boy at birth because of how my body looked but I’d see me playing with girls most often in a dress with another name rather than boys preferring to spend time with them but not having the intense dislike of my boy body that later on I found some usually male to female transsexuals tended to have.

Like most I experimented with dressing the minute I could get the combination of things to put on and undisturbed time to, eyeing oneself in the mirror tending to be older teen, very early 20’s stuff and increasingly more a little/middle girl form of presenting although just to complicate things I did do some regressive 10-13 boy dressing where I found old clothes not least because I felt much more comfortable looking more younger and as I said mentally that was were more I was anyway never feeling like a teen never mind an adult.

Presently then I present more gingham/ school girl but sometimes more frilled and so wear tailored boys shorts all with girls tops, underwear etc as well. I don’t have a ’Male wardrobe’.

Until I was more in my twenties I’d seen myself as a biological boy, given to dressing non adult  mainly femininely but for a period came under the influence of friends who while starting out as more schoolgirl regression saw themselves as transexual, pressuring me into seeing myself as girl requiring chemical and surgical aids to fully transitioning as a Adult Woman even if were to still feel the need to dress more as a girl.

The discourse around of that in particular brought more into focus that I felt no need to bring my boy body around to match gender because I realized I was more like a girl and clearly feminine by mannerism, habits etc but not ‘a girl’ being very happy  with my boy body, even to the point I can slide to a more boyish side and back out again comfortably.

By that point I had decided I wanted back my Boy biological sex back in my whole identity even if  I may go by feminine inclination and dress more little/middle girl which is why one here I’m coming out as Feminine Boy albeit one who can do ‘Tom Girl’ from ‘Jane Girl’ as the mood takes me with no emotional discomfort. I see myself as Gender Fluid mainly Feminine Boy.

You might ask if I have ever belonged at other sites  and the answer is yes but as some of the reasons why I’m here tie into gender issues  that’s why I’ll talk a bit about that.

I landed online in 2005. It was a different world and so I looked around gender topics joining and still remaining under a Username a transgender forum which was pretty accepting of me but understandably the focus was on adult roles and presentations so I started looking more into younger presentations and what eons later I learned was more age regression and the world of littles and caregivers.

One site I joined for a period billed itself more as a all purpose ab, littles place but it soon put me off as it had a high level of sissy sexual content which simply wasn’t me not least not wanting to be contacted for the same when I hadn’t asked for it.  It put me off anything like that for a while.

Around the same time I learned of  less sexual adult little girl site which was and is a very nice place but the people who run it have it hidden from view being super concerned around privacy so over the last few years not just have numbers dropped off but so has participation because next to nobody saw and joined it. 

As well there was an attitude that saw anything other than ‘I like to wear pretty dresses and be like a girl and see yourself as a girl' as something they were not entirely happy with whereas I’m feminine but don’t wish to be female (nor pretend to).

I do belong to a site about non sexual spanking (discipline and theraputic) which I have written something about here as I find it is both a real need and something that has helped me a lot to be more responsible within my limits.

A bit earlier on I talked about my more younger than my years side but I do have sexual side I generally prefer to put in a adult only space - its a ‘solo adventure’ if you get my drift and includes some submissiveness.

I’m here because I’d sooner be in place that can handle being a regressed Feminine Boy, that cherishes it leading me to explore and enjoy being me with no other narratives, that accepts my gender fluidity.

 I’d  sooner be at a site which is okay with having a Petticoat Discipline side as a Boy and allow me to express it freely.

Into 2008

Christmas is officially over two years on from establishing this new blog of mine which is as well as Friends Reunited more or less went way with ITV buying it for clickbait and removing that which was good about it.

Ever since I have been on here I tended to write something for the New Year but before I get on to that, this time of year is connected with me to annuals, usually by comics, magazines or popular tv show that you'd get at Christmas from your parents or relatives

Many annuals have been produced and are found by people emptying lofts  in cardboard boxes and here's a good sample that from the bottom of the right pile has a number of the themed collections issued in recent years by D C Thompson, publishers of The Dandy and Beano from those comics archives.

Many of the others are annuals of now deceased comics I had access to such as Cor!, The Eagle, Sparky and Wizzer and Chips which were mainly boys own comics and The Dandy and Beano annuals of the year.

I say Boys Own because there is a style and format in story telling in either comic or novel form that engages directly with a boys interests, knowing what he is interested in and avoiding what he's not often looking toward adventure, science and battles.

Trying to write between the sexes while not impossible is hard to pull off and moreover as boys these are what we gravitate toward so it is entirely right that things should be gendered to what each needs and looks for.

Going back to that introduction, while I did read and will talk about some books written mainly for girls that I got some mileage from this new year, this blog is a adult littles blog with a twist for I am a feminine  boy, happy to be called a sissy gurl.

So between that I'll be looking at boy interests the ones that started in my boyhood , things that I started since and going to the beginning looking at presentation for little sissy gurls like me as they come together on one frilly package.